How to Stop Being the “Strong Friend”


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Being the ‘strong friend’ can be exhausting and often times we do it because we don't want to burden other people by talking about our own struggles. However, it is important to remember that everyone has their own struggles and being able to vocalise them with trusted companions helps us stay connected to our inner truth - something which is invaluable for long-term wellbeing.

Perhaps one of the best ways to avoid feeling like you're constantly fighting an internal battle alone is to not suppress your emotions but instead recognize that they are valid and real - this serves as a means of taking back control over them rather than letting them take control over you. Additionally, allow yourself grace in moments of vulnerability; strength doesn't always have come from never showing weakness and if anything openness allows us a greater chance of getting closer to people so that we don't have to walk the road ahead on our own.

5 Ways Being “Strong” is Hurting You:

  1. Over-exerting yourself - Being the strong friend can lead to overworking and exhaustion, resulting in increased stress levels, irritability and feelings of being overwhelmed.

  2. Lack of Support - Friendships that focus on one person’s struggles can be unbalanced and leave the ‘strong’ friend feeling unsupported and ignored when it comes to their own needs; this lack of connection leads to emotional isolation which can subsequently cause depression or other psychological issues.

  3. Poor Boundaries - It is easy for 'strong' friends to take on too much responsibility especially when they feel obligated to 'fix' the problems of others; while helping out a friend may be beneficial, it is important to remember that everyone has their limits and boundaries should be in place so that these aren't surpassed when trying to offer support.

  4. Excessive Guilt - Taking on too much responsibility can also mean carrying an excessive amount of guilt if any perceived attempts at assistance don't turn out as expected; this can be incredibly damaging emotionally as it chips away at any sense of self worth and increases levels of anxiety or even leads to self-blame if not addressed adequately.

  5. Further Trouble Down The Line - Underscoring your own concerns with those of others means you may miss out on getting help before problems become more serious – this ultimately delays treatment for both oneself and loved ones which could eventually lead to further trouble down the line later on…

How to Embrace a Softer Version of You…

#softlifemeplease

Strong Can No Longer Be Your Default:

If you want to stop being the “strong friend”, you have to start being honest. Being honest isn't easy though; fears of judgement or feelings of shame can be huge obstacles hindering us from seeking out help when needed. Here are some tips for overcoming these worries:

  1. Start small – open up in smaller groups first before gradually building your confidence in larger settings when ready.

  2. Choose your confidants carefully – find someone who has proven themselves trustworthy and dependable so you know that what you disclose won’t leave the room.

  3. Feel the fear and do it anyway – chances are the worst thing that could happen is nothing really terrible at all (e.g., feeling embarrassed), but even if it does seem scary at first, simply pushing through gives us power to face things head-on even when they appear overwhelming!

  4. Celebrate successes - once you’ve gained enough courage to talk about what's weighing heavily on your heart, make sure you take time out afterwards for self-care activities such as walking outside or enjoying a hot beverage; having regular rewards will remind yourself of how courageous you are which makes facing future challenges much easier too!

Start Asking for Help!

It can be difficult to break away from the ‘strong friend’ stereotype, especially if you’ve been playing that role for a long time. However, starting to ask for help is an important step in taking away some of the pressure and stress associated with being so self-reliant. Asking for assistance not only provides much needed respite and support but also allows us to practice vulnerability and build courage - two skill sets which are invaluable in making progress both mentally and emotionally while still maintaining our sense of self. Moreover, asking for help further allows us to form meaningful connections with others as it gives us an opportunity to open up more readily without fear of judgement or rejection; it is through these moments of intimacy when trust is established between individuals which creates a stronger bond that fosters growth, healing and eventual understanding. Striving towards independence is often seen as a point of pride however seeking support does not necessarily mean one needs to compromise their autonomy - in fact, becoming comfortable with being open about our weaknesses can often end up bestowing upon us newfound resilience instead.

There’s no shame in being honest about our feelings or asking for support when needed - after all, refusing help won’t make any issues go away instantly and oftentimes just leads towards further suffering down the line due to nobody noticing that something is wrong until incredibly late into play such as unfortunately happening with many mental health related cases…so please don’t be afraid of seeking help today even if only through talking openly with those around us - your mental health journey is infinitely more fulfilling when shared with others raising each other up along every step forward!

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Deseray Wilson, LMHC

Deseray is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor who’s committed to helping Black women learn how to lighten the load. When she created Anxious Black Girls, her mission was to create safe spaces where Black women could break generational patterns that normalize stress, overworking, overthinking, unhealthy relationship patterns and the lack of empathy for self, so they have the capacity to develop healthy habits and relationships, accept help, and feel empowered to live freely in their greatness without the burden of having to figure it out on their own.

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