How to Practice Acceptance (when it’s hard to do)
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Radical acceptance means accepting people and situations as they are. It’s about accepting reality, as is, even when it hurts. Many people confuse acceptance with approval, but this isn’t accurate. Accepting the reality of a situation means that you’re moving beyond judging it and you’re looking for possible solutions. Acceptance looks like getting an umbrella when it rains instead of complaining about the storm, it’s budgeting and starting the job search after being laid off, or finding social circles or events that interests you to mitigate your loneliness. It’s looking at your life and saying, this is not what I thought it would be, but this is what I have… how can I find joy or peace in my life, as is.
Let’s put things into perspective, the truth is most conditions are temporary. So learning how to heal through hardships and coming out on the other side, builds your confidence for dealing with similar issues that come to you in the future. Your practice of acceptance actually adds to your ability to live through hard moments knowing that things will get better. Refusing to dwell on things beyond your control allows you to move on. If you practice acceptance, you grow, because you understand that hardship and losses are a natural part of life. Even when you are sad and disappointed, you can find something in most situations that you can use to your benefit if you treat yourself with compassion and take constructive action.
What Does Acceptance Look Like?
To be more accepting, it can be helpful to reflect on your habitual attitude towards yourself, others, or the situation you’re struggling to accept. Cultivate acceptance by noticing your resistance. Awareness will always be one of the first things that opens the door to changed behaviors. Remember, acceptance is not the same as approval. Acceptance refers to acknowledging and allowing your present experience—not necessarily your life situation. Through awareness and practice, you have the ability to increase acceptance in your own life and enjoy the benefits that it may bring.
Accepting Yourself (as is):
Self-acceptance refers to recognizing your imperfections and accepting them for what they are. Rather than condemning yourself, you can stop obsessing about yourself and what people think of you. You can then focus on making changes that will help you feel happier. Self-acceptance is a reckoning with yourself. It’s an acknowledgement of your shortcomings, character, strengths, habits, and tendencies. It’s about facing the truth and accepting that reality. Once you know where you are, you can make a reasonable plan to move forward. Self-acceptance ultimately leads to contentment because you are no longer fighting with yourself. Because let’s face it, you cannot be both your #1 fan and your #1 enemy. It’s self-defeating. You need to free yourself from self-punishment in order to be healed. When you release yourself from the negative thoughts that hold you back – and accept where you’re at – you are setting yourself on a truly radical journey toward contentment, peace, and happiness.
Self-Acceptance Is Not:
When people talk about accepting them for who they are, some assume it means staying where you are without improving. That's one misconception about self-acceptance. But accepting yourself doesn't mean not trying to improve at all. It means admitting your shortcomings and then proceeding with self-improvement. Of course, accepting yourself is a good first step. It allows you to focus on your good qualities to feel better about yourself. It also helps you rid yourself of feelings of guilt and lack of self-esteem. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't do anything about your life. It doesn't mean resigning yourself to your fate and leaving it alone. It means recognizing your mistakes and then correcting them. It means being aware of your weaknesses, so you can learn how to overcome them. And all of that comes from self-acceptance.
Here are a few things you can try right away:
To develop self-acceptance, you must believe in your intrinsic worth and uniqueness. There's no one else in the world quite like you and you're constantly changing and developing. Your value cannot be measured by how others perceive you.
Use positive self-talk. Refrain from calling yourself names like "idiot," "total failure" or "loser." Get in the habit of complimenting yourself instead. Reinforce the qualities about you that you like by telling yourself things like "I can do this," "I'm good at this," "Forgiving others is perfectly like me," or "I can find a solution to this challenge."
Be tolerant and compassionate with yourself, just as you are with your friends. Judge your behavior, not yourself.
Avoid excusing yourself from your mistakes. It's okay to tell yourself that you're human and prone to error, but if you use this to refuse to face your mistakes, you won't grow. Instead, work on improving yourself. This will help you accept what you did but put it in the past and move on.
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